drake

Madonna Kisses Drake

There’s a lot of hubbub going around lately about Madonna kissing (molesting?) (infecting?) this Drake character. I make no claim of knowing who this Drake person is but I understand he is some kind of entertainer or something. Regardless, as my not being aware of him is of little consequence, this poor fellow was on stage with Madonna and she apparently slapped a big, wet smooch right on his lips. One might, at first glance, think, “Wow, what a lucky guy. I wish Madonna would kiss me,” but you would be wrong. Today’s Material Girl is a haggard and horned demon from the pit of hell and the spit she deposited in this poor soul’s mouth was probably acrid and black from evil and a severe case of gingivitis.

Drake, so grossed out by the proceedings, began gagging and spitting out the congealed skag juice and did not care a lick that the entire world was looking on.

I can’t say that I blame the guy, as the cute Madonna of the 80’s is long gone and she now looks like a succubus they drag out of the grave every morning, electrocute back to life and foist back on the world simply to force us to listen to her low grade version of music.

I have an unfounded theory that I can tell what people on television smell like in real life and Madonna tops my list of people who, I believe, reek of a thick and cheesy ass sweat but try to cover it up with a perfume so strong that it induces a headache. However, if the perfume fails to cause a splitting migraine then surely listening this skank blather on about politics and sex should be enough to make you wretch. I think it’s pretty clear that Drake’s gagging reflex proves my point.

Burned into my memory is this idiot and her unpatriotic vitriol about how she didn’t want to raise her children in this cesspool we call America and moved lock, stock and barrel to England. Two things bothered me about this, A – she helped create this “cesspool.” Have you ever seen her videos? And B – a month after moving to England she’s suddenly speaking with a British accent. Are we to believe that after living in the US for forty years that you, after a one month stay in Europe, suddenly have a new accent? C’mon you idiot! I don’t know who I despise more, her or the idiots who still fall for and encourage this behavior.

I thought hard about something positive that I could say about this soulless harpy and came up with only one thing. The Jellybean Benitez House Party Dub Mix of Feliz Navidad. Produced when dating Madonna, clearly she threw her weight behind the project, and Christmas wouldn’t be the same without it, in my opinion.

Nobody likes Sean Penn anymore. Between having to be subjected to his political rantings and his proselytizing bullcrap movies, I can stand the sight of him anymore. This, too, is Madonna’s fault. I could have enjoyed watching him recreate the Spicoli character over and over again and been satisfied but, no, she had to ruin his life and embitter him and now I have to watch films like Milk. Can you imagine the damage done to this poor guy? Having to listen to her? Pretend to enjoy her music? Ugh.

Kudos Drake and if the kudos aren’t enough than perhaps a shot of penicillin and a Z-Pack?