A Belated RIP to Elton John

Elton John

Worst Elton John Songs

Goodbye England’s Rose

The One

The Last Song

The Club at the End of the Street

The Circle of Life

Writers note:

(In order to qualify for such distinction a “worst” song must have been popular. It cannot qualify if it was intended to suck and just take up space to round out an album.)

I can’t help but to include the eerily similar case of Sir Elton as long as we’re on the subject of musicians going off the deep end and becoming shitty.

Elton John was literally the hottest thing going back in the 70’s. Hendrix, Joplin and Morrison had all offed themselves leaving him pretty much the only game in town. He was Captain Fantastic, man! Hit after awesome hit just spewed from this guy. The costumes and the theatrics further added to his greatness.

But…

I think Sir Elton’s downfall started with the release of the re-make of Candle in the Wind, a tribute to 50’s mega-star Marilyn Monroe. Let’s be honest here, Elton was and still is clearly a gay man. He did a fine job of deflecting our attentions away from in it a less than tolerant age for that sort of flamboyance, but he was clearly gay. What I’m saying is, nobody was buying the whole in love with Marilyn thing. In love with her clothes or her style? Fine. But wanting to jump in the sack with her? I think not.

Not that I didn’t like the re-make of Candle, I did, in fact I liked it better than the original what with that whole orchestra thing going on behind it.

As with Billy Joel, a woman was the impetus for Elton’s decline and I am officially calling Princess Diana guilty of this heinous crime. Not that she can respond to my accusation as she is thoroughly dead but had she not died we would never have been subjected to the re-re-make of Candle done to the words of her life, Goodbye England’s Rose. So dumb. Like embarrassingly dumb. I get the same feeling about this song as I would if I was to ever walk in on a friend masturbating to the Mick Jagger / David Bowie Dancing in the streets video.

He says things like, “our lives were torn apart.” Torn apart seems a bit extreme. I mean she was hot and all but I didn’t have any trouble getting up for work the next morning and I don’t recall missing a meal from grief.

He also calls her, “our nation’s golden child.” Really? I mean she died in a car accident philandering around at high speeds with her boyfriend. Hardly, I would think, the pride of a nation.

Anyway, as I mentioned before getting sidetracked, this musical atrocity, England’s Rose or whatever it was titled, as if that wasn’t bad enough, we had to watch this blithering idiot sobbing in the front row of HRH’s funeral. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with crying at a friend’s funeral but doing it for the whole world to see all the while sporting these cartoon-like, giant, red plastic eye glasses took to another level of stupidity that I will never be able to reconcile back into even a modicum of respect for the old boy.

Sir Reg has an already established proclivity for using his music to memorialize friends as he did with Empty Garden, his tribute to the slain John Lennon and that song kicks ass. There’s no syrupy bullshit here and I don’t remember him falling all over people at the funeral doling out the last pieces of his dignity through his tears.

I should say here that I couldn’t care less if he’s gay. This has nothing to do with anything but his music going gay. I don’t care what Elton does with his free time just keep giving me the music I love or loved, in this case. Bring back the Elton in the Donald Duck suit pounding away at Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting and take back this blithering idiot.

Best Elton John Songs

I Feel Like a Bullet

I’ve Seen that Movie Too

Talking Old Soldiers

Levon

Madman Across the Water